


unbothered

by Star_less



Series: the ‘Baby Powder’ pathway [1]
Category: Black Mirror, Black Mirror: Bandersnatch (2018)
Genre: Canon Divergent, Colin is chill as fuck, Complete, Cuddling & Snuggling, Flashbacks, Fluff, Fluffy, Gen, Infantilism, M/M, Nightmares, Nighttime, Non-Sexual Age Play, Not Beta Read, OP is being A Bold Bitch, One Shot, Pacifier usage, Pacifiers, Plushies, Post Bandersnatch, Post-Canon, Sleepy Cuddles, Sleepy Stefan, Sort Of, Stefan is adjusting, bandersnatch canon mentioned too, bedwetting implied, don't think anyone will like this but okay, get u a man like Colin, oh boy here we go - Freeform, tame
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-15
Updated: 2019-01-15
Packaged: 2019-10-10 10:13:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,397
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17423948
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Star_less/pseuds/Star_less
Summary: "I’ve got something that’ll help you. With this.” Colin said, words puncturing the darkness of his bedroom. “It’s this... this... lifestyle..”“You want me to...” Stefan isn’t sure he’s hearing right. "You want me to do this?"Plagued by nightmares after the Bandersnatch fiasco, who comes to Stefan's rescue but his eclectic boyfriend Colin with a solution that's as eclectic as he is... a solution that Stefan free falls into much easier than he'd like to admit.





	unbothered

**Author's Note:**

> if you want to know who is responsible for this it is not me but rather the lovely commenter who encouraged me to write this and Fuck What Anyone Else Thinks (paraphrased) and also partly me. I'm not sure if anyone here in the BM/Bandersnatch fandom likes this sort of thing but hey get used to it because I've got pleeeenty more up my sleeves!
> 
> This contains non sexual age play, which is quite mild tbh, it's just lots of timid cuddling and dummies. hence why it's rated teen. if it needs to be bumped up one, give me a shout.  
> if this doesn't sound like it's up your alley, hit backspace!

"I’ve got something that’ll help you. With this.” Colin said, words puncturing the darkness of his bedroom. 

“If it’s those fucking tabs aga—” Stefan started, scooting up Colin’s bed so his sticky, sweaty back is pressed tightly against the metal of the headboard. It’s cold, but the cool thin bars seem to stroke down his back and wick away his suffocating warmth. He’s only just about forgiven Colin for spiking his tea the first time... although perhaps Colin knows what he’ll lose if he tries it again. Then again, perhaps he doesn’t care either way. Perhaps he realises how bad it’s made Stefan’s nightmares. 

That’s what this is all about. Nightmares. Ever since that night, the LSD, Bandersnatch, Stefan has been having these... these dreams... where he wakes up screaming into an all consuming void, wakes up just as something reaches out to grab him (and he ‘comes to’ to realise he hasn’t been sucked in by a monster but it is Colin, reaching out, patting his chest and calling his name) — where he wakes up with the bed damp and his back slick with sweat—or sometimes (most of the time—something worse than sweat, something that makes the pit of his belly fill with the dull ache of shame. To his credit, Colin doesn’t seem to give a fuck that Stefan seems to wake him up five nights out of seven by pissing all over him like an untrainable puppy. ‘I’ve been covered in worse,’ he shrugs. A comment like that would almost have Stefan questioning Colin’s sex life... but this is _Colin fucking Ritman_. Colin fucking Ritman who’s entirely happy to wake up and sit there and stroke Stefan’s cheeks, pepper kisses all over him even as the bed is as wet as it is and who’s first solution to this whole snowballing problem is, ‘Oh well. More pills?’. Stefan is not quite sure he expected any less.

“No. It’s not.” Colin’s eyes are crinkled, almost upsettedly, and this sends a sailing dart of hurt into Stefan’s chest. He didn’t mean to upset him, and this isn’t—he’s not some fucking square. It’s just that the LSD got him into this mess in the first place, and the comedown had him a gibbering, dribbling wreck— it isn’t an experience Stefan wants to repeat any time soon. “It’s this... this... lifestyle..”

~

“You want me to...” Stefan isn’t sure he’s hearing right. His voice has gone all high pitched and squeaky and he hates it— he hates it because that sort of voice reminds him of when he was a little boy, on the brink of full snotty sobbing. He doesn’t even feel as though he can trust himself to speak as his voice thickens with tears. “You want me to do... this..? Wear a— wear a fucking _nappy_?”  
He is near enough howling at this point; his eyes burning in the corners. He was right. He was fucking right. Colin thinks he’s disgusting, thinks he’s dirty, thinks he’s some sort of— of freak. Colin is sat opposite him. Colin... does not share Stefan’s look of horror. He has an unusually serene look on his face, unusual because he hasn’t hoofed down an eccie to achieve it. “Yes.” He responds, folding his hands neatly in his lap. “Well— no. Not that part.” _Yet._ “But... the rest. Yes.” 

Stefan has tears in his eyes. Tears that he doesn’t want to be there because his own fucking boyfriend thinks he’s a huge baby with or without him having a crying fit. Scared that he really will start crying, he looks mutely at his lap. Processing it all.

“Please,” Colin pleads insistently, linking their hands. Stefan’s are trembling but as Colin rubs a thumb over his knuckles, they stop.  
“This is just to help you sleep. That’s all this is. Nothing more, nothing less.” Well, that and to save his mattress. There’s a reason nobody commits to watersports in an unprotected bed.

“Do I have a choice?” Stefan asks, voice all soft and small and silky. Colin leans over and kisses his forehead just so, relishing how Stefan melts under just the lightest of touches - as submissive as ever. 

“Not this time.”

~

“You said to start small.”  
Stefan is laid in bed, one hand resting on his flat tummy where the t-shirt of his pyjamas has ridden up slightly. He can’t help but feel faintly ridiculous; he’s wearing Thomas the Tank Engine pyjamas, for fuck’s sake. Stefan didn’t even know they made them in his size. Actually, that’s just an out and out lie. Colin had gone to the market yesterday and managed to manoeuvre his way into getting an order put in especially. The lady running the stall must have had some sort of soft spot for him... either that or she took pity on the mentally disabled boy Colin was buying them for. (Judging by how she spoke to him; all softly softly, ‘oh, are these for you, sweetums?’ - it was the latter.)  
To rub salt in the wounds, he didn’t even particularly like Thomas the Tank Engine. _‘It wasn’t even airing when I was a kid. I never watched it,’_ he grumbled at Colin as they walked, spying the blue and yellow cotton poking through the top of the carrier bag.  
_‘Well,’_ Colin had told him, _‘there’s nothing stopping you from watching now.’_  
Stefan pulled himself out of his own head and eyed the dummy that he was twirling around in one hand, psyching himself up to put it into his mouth for the first time. A dummy. What was worse, a dummy or Thomas the Tank Engine pyjamas? Colin didn’t seem to care either way. The dummy was practically a fashion statement these days as far as he was concerned. People had them at raves and stuff. Stefan had never been to a rave so he wasn’t sure if Colin was bullshitting to make him feel better or telling the truth. 

“Starting small is wise, yes. That’s the point.” Colin said. He pulled Stefan out of his own head for a second time. 

“Do you think a dummy is ‘starting small’?”

“I don’t know,” Colin replied smoothly, leaning closer to where Stefan was laying and easing the dummy out of his hands. He turned it around; over and over so he could study every angle. There was nothing remarkable about it. It didn’t have lights built in, like the ones people wore at raves. It was just your bog standard dummy just like Pearl used. Blue (because ‘I’m not using a fucking pink one’) with a small yellow star on the shield (because, ‘you are my little star, Stefan’; which was the soppiest thing Colin had ever said but he relished it because oh how Stefan burned with embarrassment.)  
At the lack of response, Stefan rolled over to see what Colin was doing. Seizing his opportunity, the blond smiled to himself and pushed the dummy into Stefan’s just parted lips, watching with satisfaction as Stefan’s lips closed unsurely around the teat. “...do you?”

Stefan’s eyes widened at the invasive pressure of the bulb on his tongue, although his mouth made quick work of it; he found himself sucking almost instinctively, as though it was something uncovered that... came naturally to him, something he had somehow memorised from babyhood. All the same, he whimpered and his whimper was full of disgust at himself. He trembled and tried to spit the dummy out, unhappy pleading lines creeping in around his eyes— but Colin... Colin reached out and with just a fingertip held the dummy in place.  
Which was weird, because even a tiny movement such as that forced Stefan to still. Every neurone in his body was fired up, bristling with anger and shame— dying to spit the goddamned thing out—but something about Colin’s movements stunned him into happy compliance. Slowly - ever so slowly, with an air of hesitancy about him, Stefan’s suckling resumed. Now that... well, now that Stefan had held the dummy in his mouth, toyed with it, things... seemed a little bit different. Colin was, well... he was right about one thing because Stefan’s eyelids seemed to fall farther with every deep suckle he took. After a while it was clear that he was floating somewhere far away; far away where Colin’s gentle murmurs and the light of the room seemed to dissolve and drift away and it was just him and the comforting thck-thck-thck of the dummy in his mouth every time he sucked. It transported him somewhere, somewhere where he was so small and so vulnerable and Mum was still here and she still protected him. Forget what Colin said about mirrors helping you move through time... dummies. Dummies helped you move through time. Hm. Have to remember to tell Colin that one, Stefan thought in his final moment of lucidity, before he truly was lost and fell to dreamy dummy sucking.

Colin smiled at Stefan with utter satisfaction; he knew it would have worked eventually. “Goodnight, you.” He whispered, tucking both Stefan and himself comfortably into the blankets before rolling over to sleep on his side of the bed.

~

It was the first night in ages that Stefan didn’t wake screaming, so... 

they started out small. 

Stefan found himself staying at Colin’s for longer and longer stretches of time and every single night - no matter if he protested - the dummy went in. Eventually - though it killed Stefan to admit it - he had it in his mouth for longer and longer stretches too. It crept in at breakfast and just after lunch. Only when it was just the two of them, mind you. Never at home. It was... it was their little secret, was what Colin reinforced. Having it as some illicit secret hidden away made Stefan feel dirty somehow but... he soon got used to it.  
Course, it wasn’t some magic fix to all of his problems. Five nights out of seven he would still wake up soaked even if he wasn’t screaming. Sometimes that morphed into six nights, sometimes he even reached a lucky 7 and then... then where did it leave him? Then he was a pathetic mess only bigger, lip quivering around a goddamn dummy... as he gave it deep stressful suckles in between watching Colin strip the bed under the shitty orange light of their bedside lamp.

“There we are.” Colin shrugged as he folded back the duvet and crumpled down upon it, Stefan following suit shortly afterwards. “All done.”

Colin would be a good Dad. Something about the way he spoke, ‘There we are’, no fury or disgust to it like there would have been if Stefan was with his real father — just comfort and love and... nonchalance. Heh. Colin almost reminded him of Mummy instead... Mummy, just the way Stefan remembered her; all soft and loving. Pearl was lucky to have Colin as a Dad. 

Stefan wished he had Colin as a dad.

_Wait— what the fuck? Where... did that come from? No- no he didn’t. No, he didn’t want Colin as a dad. That was... fucking weird._

Stefan spat the dummy out and snapped it shut into the bedside cabinet as if that’d stop those weird thoughts. Fuck, he hoped he wasn’t being Bander-fucked-with again.

“Don’t want it?” Colin asked, pulling a thin strand of hair and tucking it back where it belonged. Instantly, Stefan started to relax. Colin relished it, really, as he knew even the lightest brush of his fingertips would entice Stefan into submission— and judging by the way Stefan’s trembling shoulders dropped, it worked near enough instantly. 

“I... don’t like it.” Stefan lied, shifting in the blankets and rocking somewhat. “S’not... helping me.”

“That’s funny,” Colin cooed softly, “because you’re always outers when I see you with it at bedtime.”  
His voice wasn’t judgmental; was just soft and matter of fact - just how Stefan liked him. 

Colin took in Stefan with a steady gaze - one of those gazes as though he was trying to see right through him. Not quite; Colin was attempting to call his bluff.  
“That’s fine, though. We can just... pop it in the bin.” He shrugged, as though it didn’t matter to him. Well, it didn’t— it was Stefan’s comforter, not his. “Start over, like nothing happened. Make a different choice.”  
_Ah._  
This...  
this was...  
Stefan whimpered at him. It was a tiny whimper, undetectable to anyone who wasn’t listening closely enough; but Colin was, of course he was and again he simply relished the fact Stefan couldn’t hide it - he was enjoying this. Perhaps not the pyjamas, perhaps they were a step too far (considering all of Stefan’s whining at having to wear the goddamned things) but the dummy was a big positive. Which was... good. Meant he was malleable. 

Colin’s eyes glinted thoughtfully. “No? Well, maybe we should try something else, anyway.” Shrugging, he slackened his arm - a clear indication for Stefan to nestle right in. Which he did so, of course, dutifully so. As dutifully as one could possibly cuddle while trying to glance back at the bedside table, soother hidden inside. God, what the fuck was wrong with him? The second he’d prised the soother from his lips he had been filled with this... this weird itch— this longing, to take it right back again - stuff it in his mouth and go to sleep. Not even five goddamned minutes without it. While he knew the dummy was... there, it felt as though he would never relax unless it was in his mouth. 

“Come on,” Colin whispered, stroking Stefan’s cheek in an attempt to soothe his tense body as he saw him glancing over to the drawer again and again and again. “I hardly think you’re going to master telekinesis in the next five minutes.”

Colin knew. He wasn’t stupid. Neither was Stefan; Stefan knew that Colin knew and so he remained as tight lipped as possible lest Colin take this... this babying... to an entirely new height. But Colin had that annoying skill of being able to pick further and further. Stefan closed his eyes in a long blink, tried to shut Colin out, whimpered again. Then... then Colin had taken the soother from the bedside table - so fast that Stefan couldn’t process it - and had it pressed in the palms of his hands like a precious diamond. He edged the bulb of the soother against Stefan’s lips. Stefan was already crumbling, whimpers pressing out from between his lips, but he pressed his mouth together in a tighter, thinner line and squeezed his eyes even tighter shut to stop the pearls of wetness from seeping free.

“Come on. I know you want it. Just take it.” Colin pleaded, voice feather light. Fuck, he didn’t care that Stefan needed it to sleep so long as it relaxed him. Finally Stefan’s resolve broke altogether and he allowed Colin to slide the pacifier back into his mouth. The change in him was instant; he fell back against Colin suddenly boneless with relief. 

Now, Colin could continue. “I think you need to try something different,” he proposed thoughtfully, voice weaved with comfort. Stefan was silent, his only response was to suckle and to glance at Colin questioningly. 

“I think you need to get Rabbit. Can you go and get him?”

These words made Stefan feel funny in his chest. He blinked, then again. Colin’s words didn’t seem to sink in. “My house,” he said softly, soother falling from his mouth. 

“Yes, he’s in your house. Can you go and get him?” Colin repeated slowly, as though he was talking to someone as small as Pearl. He took the dummy when it fell and captured it in one hand, for if Stefan was venturing to his own home at this hour of night Colin needed him to be as strong as was mentally possible for him to be.  
Slowly, Stefan slid off of the bed. He had this look in his eyes that almost made Colin reconsider and tell him to get back to bed, but then it was gone. “Yeah,” Stefan said aloud — into the air rather than to Colin — “Dad keeps Rabbit in a safe. T-O-Y. That’s what... that’s what it is. He took him away.”  
He hugged himself somewhat, tucked himself in nice and small and tight. Colin had heard this all before and he was— he was rambling but he couldn’t stop himself.

“I know, but now you can get him back.” Colin prompted. 

Stefan nodded and he was gone. If he was being perfectly honest, he didn’t remember much of the journey to his house, nor rescuing Rabbit, nor the journey back. It was as if he had dreamed up the entire walk, floated there during an afternoon nap or... or fallen through a mirror, as Colin liked to say. Some things— little things— jolted him back to reality, like when he was wobbling on the balls of his feet in front of Dad’s safe and the door swung open and Rabbit was there. Stefan had to poke it, feel the itchy softness of its cheeks just to make sure it was really, really there and he wasn’t just dreaming— but, but... it was. He held it in his arms for a moment, squeezed him up close and stood so still he felt as though he was going to melt through the floor and disappear. Something came in around the edges of his mind, something cool and calm and it reminded him of the feeling he got when he was nothing but a tiny five year old and Mummy would stroke his hair and kiss his forehead and tuck him in just an extra bit tighter.  
But he opened his eyes and it was gone. It was gone and he was just... himself, just a sad nineteen year old holding a rabbit in one hand. So then - then he went back to Colin. He was silent when he walked in, silent when he held the threadbare doll out for Colin to scrutinise as though he had just been mining for diamonds.

“Wonderful,” Colin said. Stefan wasn’t sure if Colin really thought it was wonderful or if it was just... a bit fucking sad, but he had this way of making Stefan think otherwise. “Now it’s bedtime.”

~

Stefan was tucked up into bed. He was tucked up with Colin to his left and Rabbit in the middle - a bit like a rather squishy, warm, Rabbit sandwich. His dummy was in his mouth and he suckled at it every now and then when his eyelids got too heavy and he was thrown into the fringes of sleep, on a very thin precipice between crashing fully and waking. Colin was awake and Stefan was conscious of that fact... but he was watching some conspiracy theory documentary that was... just a bit too heavy for Stefan’s tired little brain. He- Colin- had a hand in Stefan’s hair and would idly trace patterns. Stars. Hearts. The illuminati symbol. Stefan lost track by the time Colin got to tracing flowers, sleep stitching itself into his every breath. He slowed. His eyes closed. He buried himself closer to Rabbit and inhaled Rabbit’s smell that was still the same, of smoke and dust and perfume and let it carry him all the way to the edge of sleep...

“You know, if you start letting anyone else share this bed, I’m going to move out. No more of Rabbit’s friends, please. I am already hanging off. Rabbit has taken my place.” Colin said. For such an over dramatic statement, he said it so bluntly but... but the good thing was Stefan knew he didn’t mean it and all it did was force a flicker of a smile to appear on Stefan’s face.  
It woke him momentarily. “Just you. Just Rabbit.” He murmured in reply — or so he thought but his voice was so drunk with sleep that “jusoojusr’bit” sounded like an entirely legible sentence to his brain, anyway.

Eh. Colin understood. 

Stefan heard him chuckle. It was just noise, just a little ‘hmm’ with tiny notes of amusement knitted in — but it was enough for Stefan. He suckled on the soother peacefully; he nestled closer to both Colin and Rabbit with one hand coming to cling to the satin-y slipperiness of Colin’s pyjama shirt.

He slept, and he slept unbothered.

**Author's Note:**

> god, why do I feel so embarrassed about writing and uploading stuff like this I've been doing it for years I'm a seasoned pro  
> please, pleeeease if you liked this -- tell me. I love getting feedback, I appreciate every comment/kudos I get. but im the only one who likes this so... yaaaay to me.
> 
> let's face it Rabbit is the utter idol of Bandersnatch at this point. this is the secret ABDL ending you get if you keep rescuing Rabbit from Dad x
> 
> I wrote this while studying so it's probably awful. more soon (sorry -- or 'yaaaay' if you're a weird little gremlin like me!)
> 
> x


End file.
